So the Lord God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers;
He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."
I often think to myself, there isn't all that much I'm afraid of. My biggest "fear", I suppose, is that something bad would happen to my children--particularly K--that he would disappear and I not know what happened to him. This is the stuff of nightmares. And of course, there is that innate fear of snakes, which I am consciously trying to get over. But last night, at our women's meeting, I learned that I'm really "afraid" of so much more!
I remember as a teenager--those naive, idealistic years--wondering why the gospel had not spread further. I wondered about missions, why people would have to go to a foreign land to preach the gospel; because, if it were true and real, would it not spread from neighbor to neighbor, like a virulent flu, and within a very short time spread around the world? Why hasn't it? I would have expected the gospel to have spread throughout the world within one generation, possibly two; but it has been two millenia!! And often it does not even go from one generation to the next! Why not?
At our women's group last night, one woman spoke about her neighbors, how they were so different from her in values, in habits, in lifestyle, in temperment, in attitudes and habits, and how all these things annoyed her to the point that she wanted to sell her house and move. She pointed out how we don't really "see" our neighbors. We don't know our neighbors for the most part, let alone have any kind of relationship with them. She talked about how, as she prayed about these things and asked God to remove her from all this irritation, He answered, "You are exactly where I want you to be." (This was a wake-up call to me, because, as I have groaned to God these past years about this and that in my life, He has said the very thing to me.) She started praying for her neighbors and started caring about them as people that God cherished, seeing them through God's eyes--not from a "holier-than-thou" perspective or even with an eye to change all that was irritating to her about them, but from a perspective of, "These people really need to know the love of God, and come into a relationship with Him, and be healed." And things started changing.
I started thinking about my own neighbors and why it was so hard to share the Lord with them. I realized that, while I don't criticize myself about some things, others probably do. And who knows my faults better than my family and my neighbors? And when I get honest about it, I am afraid of what they will think of me and how I represent God to them. I'm afraid that I will just be another one of those people--'Oh, she's a Christian? I sure don't want to be one then, because I sure don't want to be like her!" Deep down, I feel inadequate, on just about every level, to represent God at all.
I'm pretty sure this "fear" is why the gospel has not gone from person to person, neighbor to neighbor, parent to child. We think we have to be perfect, we are afraid of what people will think, we are afraid we are not good enough, we are afraid people will think we are nuts. We don't show our 'bad' sides, so when people finally get a glimpse of them, they think we are hypocrites. Or maybe, in some areas, we are hypocrites, because we have not yielded that area of our lives to God's sovereignty.
But the truth is, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us". He doesn't just call the "religious", the upright, the perfect homemakers, the white-collar workers. He wants us all. And if we truly have God's heart, then we also will want all people to come into a relationship with God. That includes all our neighbors, not just the "tolerable" ones.
I'm afraid they won't like me. I'm afraid they will reject me--or worse, that they will reject Christ because of me. But Jesus said, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. "
The Truth is that it really only matters what God thinks of me. I just have to do my best, submit all things to Him as I am made aware of them, be open to His leading, and be as honest as I can in all areas; and then just let Him take care of the rest.
If I find a snake in my house, God is still God. If I go hungry, God is still God. If I lose my home, God is still God. If I lose my health, God is still God. If I lose a loved one, God is still God. If, God forbid, I lose my mind, God is still God.
Romans 8: 35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long: we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than canquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Psalm 139:7-10 "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from you presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
On Judgment Day, the only voice that will have any weight will be God's. The only thing I should fear is God.
Truly, I can't control what people say or think about me. I can't control any aspect of the economy or the weather or wars around the world. I'm relatively powerless over anything beyond my little acre, my sphere of responsibility. Dorcus Smucker wrote, in her book "Ordinary Days", about the fear and sense of powerlessness that came with September 11, 2001. "And when I honestly acknowledge my own helplessness, I find that I am least afraid of the future."
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