Of toilet paper and mice...
Mom and I went to see the new Narnia movie recently, which really has nothing to do with toilet paper or mice, unless you count dear Reepicheep. On our way there we picked up some gifts that my parents had recieved, which included toilet paper. We started discussing how God meets all of our needs, just not always the ones we expect.
We were talking about how Mom needed toilet paper and was wondering how she was going to get toilet paper home on her bike, in the rain, or if I would have time to drive her. Enter the package of toilet paper. We laughed because He had not only supplied the actual need, but also the means of transportation with it. So we started talking about How God is faithful to supply our needs, and our desires, no matter how small. Now come the mice....
I have said many times that i despise mice. Well, I do. They have made my stove stink. It smells nauseatingly horrible when I use the oven because of the mouse pee in the insulation and under the stovetop. I also have the most amazing inlaws ever! We are redoing our kitchen, and we have a new sink, new countertops, and we'll have new cabinet fronts. I was quite happy with all the new things, and then I was asked if I wanted to go stove shopping. I had mentioned that my stove smelled, but figured that I would just have to live with it until it was a need, not a desire. Like I said, I have the BEST in laws! Oh, and we have new fridge too! I'm so spoiled!
So, this may seem like it's just nice, and not really anything that has meaning. But that"s where you have to look a little deeper. We are told that God is faithful to meet our needs, and that when we delight in him, he will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). Now how many times have I not gotten my hearts desire? Only when i have not be "delighting" in Him. I often get what i desire, just not how or when I expect. My struggle for the past couple of years has been children. Why do I want them so badly if i can't have them? I can't get pregnant, there's just as much of a chance that I will have a repeat experience as there is that I won't, adoption doesn't seem likely as we would have a very hard time qualifiying, and many agencies will take you off of the list if you get pregnant. So i have this overwhelming desire with no real possibility of fulfilling it, and no reason. So where is this promise about hearts desires? You put this desire in my heart and tell me no, sorry, you just have to live with it?! If it can't happen, why can't the desire subside?
The answer is I got a new stove. It wasn't needed. It was genuinely desired. So what does that tell me? That my desires are heard. The really big ones, and the seemingly insignificant ones. Even if it won't happen on my time, it's not ignored.
This brings me to my part now. Accept that God knows the desires of my heart, and that if i genuinely follow him, the desires of my heart will align more closely to his desires for my life, and I will have the desires of my heart. So when I wanted so badly to be married, I had to step back and let God make me the woman I needed to be, the kind of woman that would be able to run a household, and make our home a place that draws Justin in, and provides him with an escape, not a place that he wants to escape. Granted I'm still learning how to do that, and will probably never finish learning it. With regard to children, I need to let God be God, and let him mold me, and not miss the kids he HAS given me. I am surrounded by kids that I can love, and show God's love to, and if I'm lucky, I'll get to play a role in their lives like many people have played in mine. My hope is that I can speak God's love to them, but also that I can show them God's love played out in my life. A lofty goal, I know. I heard once that the purest gold is actually almost clear. There are many references in the Bible with us being likened to gold being refined. I've always thought of us eventually being pure and shiny so that we reflect God. But if you think of pure gold as more transparent, then we aren't merely reflecting God as we go through trials and are purified. We become transparent so that anyone who looks at us sees right through us and sees Him IN us. Not reflected. Not on the outside bouncing off of us, but shining clearly from the inside. It's a cool thought, isn't it? Oh how I pray that I will become more transparent so that others will see more of God and less of me.
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