I am competetive by nature. In all my previous relationships I competed with my partner at every level. But I desperately wanted a marriage that would last, for my toddler L's sake as well as for myself. God gave me G, a tenderhearted, noncompetetive, sensitive man. My biggest fear going into marriage was that I would destroy him emotionally, and in the end he would leave me (and L).
Before Gordon married G and I, or perhaps during the ceremony, he said something along the lines of “Your best shot at making marriage last is for both of you to remain in Christ.” The realization hit me like a brick that, although I could control MY relationship with God, I had no control at all over G’s. And the best chance I had at making my marriage last was to do my best to encourage G in his walk with the Lord. And to do THAT, I had to create (to borrow Doug Griffith’s words) an environment conducive to growth. I had to make a consistent environment of positives—a home where he felt safe, a refuge from the world, a place he could rest and recharge, a place he was welcomed with accepting, loving arms. A place where he would not be criticized, not judged, not nit-picked, not bossed or whined at, and definitely not competed with. I needed to do everything in my power to make home look attractive. When the world and work and whatever else was beating G down, HOME needed to be the place he could come to for shelter. (I have just given you all the wisdom I have concerning marriage.)
This was not something I could have done on my own. I didn’t have the maturity or the strength or the wisdom. But this was something that God showed me. When I asked God to please (please, please!!) make my marriage last, He showed me what to do, and HE changed my heart. He took out almost all the competetiveness and made me a teammate. He took me from competition to cooperation. But I’m telling you, this was GOD changing my heart, almost overnight. And then me choosing to create the environment, day by day, brick by brick, reinforcing the positives, trying to pry out the negatives.
God gave me His heart for G. (We just celebrated our 20th anniversary!!)
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