Remember What I Have Done For You

I had a discouraging eye appointment today. A "blister" persists in my eye that is keeping me from having any central vision. My doctor told me that there are two options to fix it, but they only "might" work.

I am discouraged. I was looking for some encouragement and turned back to my own blogs. Last night in church, we sang a song with the line in it "as deep cries out to deep". I knew I had written a blog with that title once before but could not remember what it was about. And Gordon had talked about "shallow" and "deep" times with God. On my way to finding "Deep Cries Out to Deep", I re-read my posts of the last year, and I was encouraged. I was encouraged at remembering all the ways that God has come through for me this year. I am convinced that ALL OF US need to be writing down what God has done for us, so that we can go back and look when we are discouraged, and get renewed hope!

But in a sense, even my own history is like events of the past cheering me on to make it through this day too. I don't want to have run a good race, only to quit before the finish line. I want to finish strong!

Laura inherited a parallel Bible from Grandma Smiley, and in it, she found notes in Gma's hand, that must have been written when she was young. And I think about the race Grandma ran, and race that the people around me are running; and I am not alone. I am strengthened by the great athletes around me. I am honored to be running the race with them, behind them, and in front of some of them.

So, remember what God has done for you!!

I'm pleased with you!

I recently found a journal of mine from 20 years ago. In it I wrote that I believed there were parts of me that God could not use, like my need to always be right. God is so patient. I asked Him, 20 years ago, to prune away the parts of me that He could not use. I suppose I still have that tendency, to always want to be right and to argue my point--at least to some extent. We cannot seem to cut away those things in ourselves very well. But it did occur to me that God gave me a son so very much like me in that area, that I get to see on a daily basis how difficult that trait is to live with and how it gets in the way of building relationships, and WHY it is important that that limb be pruned. As I look around at my relatives, I can see that this is a genetic trait that has been passed along. I can truly say that I come by it honestly. But that doesn't change how that trait affects our lives and relationships. And I suppose, there is nothing better to fix something in yourself than to see it in one of your children.

That aside, it's very disheartening to know that I saw that 20 years ago and STILL I am working on it!! It makes me feel like a failure. There are many things I have done right in my life, but many more that I have done wrong. I think, if you were to look at me from the "world's" perspective, you would have to say that on the whole I'm a failure. I don't have a high-paying job, a really nice, house, a manicured yard, or live in an uptown neighborhood, nor do I drive a snazzy car, have nice clothes, hang with the "in" crowd, read all the newest books or keep up with the latest movies or TV shows.

We recently heard a talk (sermon, if you will) that came from the Foursquare conference our pastors attended early this summer. The main point that the speaker was trying to make was that of utmost importance for our churches to thrive and grow was that the members remember the love they first had with Christ. He went on to talk about lots of other things that make churches "look" successful, but in the end, what makes them successful is how they relate to Christ. And one of the examples he used to illustrate this that touched me most deeply was the picture of Jesus' baptism. He said that the world would have waited until the end of Jesus' ministry to evaluate him, to say whether he had been "successful" or not. But the Father chose the very beginning of his ministry to express this. If you recall, when Jesus came up out of the water, the spirit descended on him like a dove and a voice from heaven said, "This is my son, in whom I am well pleased."

Those are words I need to hear every day. I need to hear God say to me, "You are mine, and I"m well pleased with you." It's not about my success in this world, it's about my response to Him.

Do You Hear Me?

About a year and a half ago, my husband had a stroke, leaving him much less able to work, and initially his short term memory made him a little dangerous in the kitchen, and he is unable to drive. Previously, he had most of the cooking and all of the shopping, while I worked a little bit, homeschooled our son, and took care of the outside chores. So all of a sudden I was left with a very heavy burden, not only doing all I had been doing before, which I had found exhausting, but now also having to add shopping (which I very much dislike) and cooking to my burden, as well as doubling my work load to try to keep our income up until we could get disability for my husband (a year later).

One day, when I was feeling completely exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely inadequate, the Lord gave me this scripture. Matthew 6. ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ²⁸And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

And miraculously, throughout that year, though in the midst of it all I was losing my vision, the Lord DID provide, over and over again.

I had a rough day last week. I was given epinephrine as part of a block for laser surgery and an injection into my eye and I reacted very badly. So I spent several days careening between hypereuphoria and exhaustion and depression. So I wasn't dealing with the stresses that I normally have been handling just fine, and a little inkling of worry started to creep in. We have been told that our jobs may end this fall, and it's a scary proposition under normal circumstances, but when you can't see well, or if you have had a stroke and have limited abilities, the prospect of getting a job seems almost unsurmountable. And yet, I know God has a plan for us. He has just not shared it with us yet.

So Wednesday night, I was starting to let worry creep in just a bit. But after services a man handed me a napkin and said to me, "Jesus wants you to have this." Folded up inside the napkin was some cash. And I took it to mean that God was reassuring me that He has a plan for our future, that He knows our needs.
But of course, in the process of my ups and downs and lack of sleep and exhaustion I started to doubt what I thought I had heard. "It was just a coincidence." You know how that goes. But the next morning, out of the blue, my doctor's nurse calls and says to me, "Someone left some Levemir on my desk, and I wondered if you might want it?" Levemir is a type of insulin I take, and one of my worries about not having a job, is not being able to afford insulin. I had not called and asked; she just remembered me. It was as if God was saying. "Yes, you heard me correctly!" But of course, the thoughts persist. Perhaps she "happened" to think of me was because I had had surgery the day before and the chart note about it appeared on her desk at the same time. Just another coincidence.

I hate it when my mind does these things to me. Why can't I just KNOW?

So Sunday, at church, we have a guest speaker. Guess what scripture she picked for her sermon? Yup, Matthew 6:24-33. Well, just in case I was wondering. Yes, He said it a third time. "Do not worry. I know your needs."

The Devil is in the Details--I think NOT!!

Every little girl loves a wedding. We love to dress our dolls and walk them down the aisle to their Prince Charmings. When I was 6, the neighbor lady had made three Barbie wedding dresses and she asked me which one I liked best, saying she had a niece about my age and wanted to know which one to give her. When Christmas came, the dress I had picked, along with a bridesmaid's dress, was her gift to me. I was so thrilled. It was a lovely dress with a satin bodice, a princess waistline and a shimmery opalescent skirt.

When the time came for my own wedding, a day I thought would never come, quite frankly, as WHO would have ME? It was spring and we had planned a December wedding, and I was a large size, not exactly easy to find affordable ready-made wedding dresses. They were to be found, but were expensive. I had pretty much resolved that I would have to make my own. In June, when we asked our pastor if he would marry us, he said, "Sure! When were you thinking?" We told him December. He looked at us and said, "How about next month?" Uh, right. One month to plan a wedding, sure!!

Well, actually, it wasn't that hard, we had the pastor and the church. We just needed the cake and the clothes. The clothes....The DRESS!!! No time to make one, no money to buy one, what to do?

One of the most blessed gifts ever given to me came in a little white envelope with these words neatly printed in my best friend's tiny handwriting, "For your wedding dress" And inside was $60 cash that she had earned babysitting. Now, that was over 20 years ago, and babysitting was not exactly a high-paying job!! This gift, to me, in its extravagance, is right up there with the perfume that was poured on Jesus' feet. (Every month when I give my tithe, I ask God to multiply it, like he did the loaves and the fishes, and there is no doubt in my mind that a similar prayer was spoken over that little white envelope and its contents.)

I remember thinking at the time, "How far will this go?" But Gary said to me, "I just did an inventory and they had lots of plus-size dresses on sale, after the proms." So, in a very untraditional move, my groom took me shopping for my wedding dress. We narrowed it down to two and he picked one. It had a taffeta-like underskirt with a sheer top skirt that had little opalescent broken hearts all over it. And the price? You know it, $60.

I have always loved the story of the money, and how my groom picked out my dress. But what I didn't realize until recently, although I'm sure God knew it all along, as I think God provided that dress, is that it had a hint of the first wedding dress I ever loved, when I was a little girl. The opalescence.

If you ask me, it's God who is in the details!!

Cracked Pots

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream, 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

This is one of my favorite stories. Many of you know the struggles I am going through right now with my vision. We all have thorns in our sides of some type. I think the point is not that we be perfect, but that we let God use us as we are. After all, He made us, and he knows where we are broken. Best of all, like the woman in the story, God will use our weakness to bring beauty into the world, if we will let Him.

Of Toilet Paper and Mice

Guest post from Laura:

Of toilet paper and mice...

by Laura Else on Friday, January 14, 2011 at 11:01am

Mom and I went to see the new Narnia movie recently, which really has nothing to do with toilet paper or mice, unless you count dear Reepicheep. On our way there we picked up some gifts that my parents had recieved, which included toilet paper. We started discussing how God meets all of our needs, just not always the ones we expect.

We were talking about how Mom needed toilet paper and was wondering how she was going to get toilet paper home on her bike, in the rain, or if I would have time to drive her. Enter the package of toilet paper. We laughed because He had not only supplied the actual need, but also the means of transportation with it. So we started talking about How God is faithful to supply our needs, and our desires, no matter how small. Now come the mice....

I have said many times that i despise mice. Well, I do. They have made my stove stink. It smells nauseatingly horrible when I use the oven because of the mouse pee in the insulation and under the stovetop. I also have the most amazing inlaws ever! We are redoing our kitchen, and we have a new sink, new countertops, and we'll have new cabinet fronts. I was quite happy with all the new things, and then I was asked if I wanted to go stove shopping. I had mentioned that my stove smelled, but figured that I would just have to live with it until it was a need, not a desire. Like I said, I have the BEST in laws! Oh, and we have new fridge too! I'm so spoiled!

So, this may seem like it's just nice, and not really anything that has meaning. But that"s where you have to look a little deeper. We are told that God is faithful to meet our needs, and that when we delight in him, he will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). Now how many times have I not gotten my hearts desire? Only when i have not be "delighting" in Him. I often get what i desire, just not how or when I expect. My struggle for the past couple of years has been children. Why do I want them so badly if i can't have them? I can't get pregnant, there's just as much of a chance that I will have a repeat experience as there is that I won't, adoption doesn't seem likely as we would have a very hard time qualifiying, and many agencies will take you off of the list if you get pregnant. So i have this overwhelming desire with no real possibility of fulfilling it, and no reason. So where is this promise about hearts desires? You put this desire in my heart and tell me no, sorry, you just have to live with it?! If it can't happen, why can't the desire subside?

The answer is I got a new stove. It wasn't needed. It was genuinely desired. So what does that tell me? That my desires are heard. The really big ones, and the seemingly insignificant ones. Even if it won't happen on my time, it's not ignored.

This brings me to my part now. Accept that God knows the desires of my heart, and that if i genuinely follow him, the desires of my heart will align more closely to his desires for my life, and I will have the desires of my heart. So when I wanted so badly to be married, I had to step back and let God make me the woman I needed to be, the kind of woman that would be able to run a household, and make our home a place that draws Justin in, and provides him with an escape, not a place that he wants to escape. Granted I'm still learning how to do that, and will probably never finish learning it. With regard to children, I need to let God be God, and let him mold me, and not miss the kids he HAS given me. I am surrounded by kids that I can love, and show God's love to, and if I'm lucky, I'll get to play a role in their lives like many people have played in mine. My hope is that I can speak God's love to them, but also that I can show them God's love played out in my life. A lofty goal, I know. I heard once that the purest gold is actually almost clear. There are many references in the Bible with us being likened to gold being refined. I've always thought of us eventually being pure and shiny so that we reflect God. But if you think of pure gold as more transparent, then we aren't merely reflecting God as we go through trials and are purified. We become transparent so that anyone who looks at us sees right through us and sees Him IN us. Not reflected. Not on the outside bouncing off of us, but shining clearly from the inside. It's a cool thought, isn't it? Oh how I pray that I will become more transparent so that others will see more of God and less of me.

• 
  
• 
  
• 
  

  Write a comment...

Facebook © 2011 · English (US)

About · Advertising · Developers · Careers · Privacy · Terms · Help