My Favorite Flower

I'm wearing a flower in my hair today--Queen Anne's Lace. Why? Because I have a son who loves me and who loves beauty and who thinks I look extra beautiful with a reminder of his love in my hair. (In other words, he picked it while we were picking up horse manure from the front pasture.)

My mom says her favorite flower is the dandelion. They are the flowers of love...always picked with love, given with love--and often grubby hands. Forget roses and carnations....give me Queen Anne's Lace, chicory, dandelion, daisies and cherry blossoms. And bless the grubby hands that make the offering with love.

Reading versus Playing by Ear

Not too long ago I was enjoying listening to my friend Francine singing in worship. She has this ability to sing all around the melody and make it sound good. She also has the voice to go with the ability. I, on the other hand, have gone from the mezzo-soprano I was as a youth to barely an alto now. Almost everything they sing in church is written for tenors and sopranos, leaving those of who can't sing those notes looking for really good harmonies in our range.

Now, I grew up in a noninstrumental Church of Christ, and our congregation was blessed with a song leader who was willing to teach music. So I learned music theory and I learned to read music, and I learned to sing alto! But I have to have the music in front of me. If I can hear an alto line, I generally learn it and sing it by ear. But I sure can't make one up!!

This leaves me in awe of those who can "sing around the melody".

But I find that that is true of me in life in general. I'm really good with details. Give me a specific job and I'm happy to do it. But give me something too general and I just stand there not knowing how to tackle it.

I think there are two kinds of people. There are the kind who can take a big job and tackle it and break into small pieces and either delegate or do it themselves. (They tend to get the "bossy" label and they also tend to get frustrated with the rest of us, who don't have that amazing ability.) And then there are the rest of us who can't see the trees for the forest. My kids are both like me. I learned long ago that "Go clean your room" was hopeless and frustrating to both sides. "Make your bed." "Put your horses away." "Fold your clothes." These were much more effective commands. I think my mom understood this to some extent. Saturday was always housecleaning day, and she would always write out lists of things for us girls to do. I remember my Aunt Elsie telling my mom once, "If I could only get them to SEE what needed to be done." Apparently, both my mom and her sister got the "big picture" gene, but I think most of us cousins got the "just the details" gene. I'm not sure that it is something that can be trained into a person. I think it is a gift. You have it or you don't.

My friend Francine also has the "big picture" gene. She has the amazing ability to walk into just about any situation and see what needs to be done. I'm completely happy if someone gives me a specific task. I'm completely frustrated, and will stand dumbfounded, if someone gives me too general a command.

I see this difference also in our little homeschool group. The people with the "big picture" gene get a little frustrated with us "just the details" types, because they feel bossy if they tell us what to do, and yet, we are more than happy to have it broken down and divied up, because we lack that talent. Perhaps if we understood that this is the way God made us, and it's okay to be different, we might get along a little easier....

But I still keep trying to play by ear. Maybe at the very least I'll get a little better at it, although I still admire the ability of those who come by it naturally....

The Cringe Factor

G showed me today some movies he had made of K shortly after we had moved L's loft bed into his room (after L got married). He threw a quilt over the edge as a curtain and pretended that under the bed was a stage. I had forgotten how absolutely adorable he was with his little Lawrence Welk "Uh-one, uh-one, uh-one, two, thwee, fow, five, six, seben, eight, nine, ten." I had forgotton how little his voice was (compared to now) and how he used to say his 'r's imperfectly. Ahhhh. Tooo cute. He always looks cuter in pictures and videos than I remember him being at the time. I want to go back and look more. Lots more.

And I wonder, what does God think of us? Does he go back in His memory and think, "Oh, she was so cute then!" Not only about physical development, like we look at pictures of our kittens, now cats, and think, "Oh, they were so cute!". But also about our social, psychological, spiritual development... Can you picture Him saying, "Oh, there's J when she was just learning patience. How cute that little temper tantrum is." ? Or perhaps, "Look how little her faith was. Isn't that adorable?"

Before you cringe...Just because we are "better" at something now, does not mean that being "worse" at it before is cringe-worthy. It just so happens that the background music for K's dancing was me playing the viola (I had only been playing a few months)...talk about Cringe-Factor!! So I know that we feel that way about ourselves and our own development. But I want you to consider my own feelings about K's development. He was going on 5. His voice was little. He counted imperfectly. He spoke imperfectly. He danced uniquely, to his own rhythm. Did I cringe? No, I found it adorable. Heartwarmingly adorable--so much so that I want to see more of him back then.

Imperfect as I am, no matter how handsome I think my son is now, when I look back at pictures of him in a few years, I will think of him as even more handsome. But I am limited by so many things, time and energy and my own immaturity, physical pain, my to-do list, etc. I will never be able to fully appreciate every aspect of my son at any given stage. But God is not limited like I am. When He looks at me, He sees all that I am, every facet, every nuance, and He is able to fully appreciate all that I am in this very moment. He sees me growing in every little area that I cannot even imagine--in patience and faith, in generosity and compassion, in calmness and creativity, in humor and appreciation of life. And He thinks every step is adorable. Heartwarmingly adorable. And HE doesn't have to look BACK to think that!!!

My Wisdom on Marriage

Well, by popular demand, I have decided to post my wisdom on marriage...I think it took me all of 3 minutes to say the other night!!

I am competetive by nature. In all my previous relationships I competed with my partner at every level. But I desperately wanted a marriage that would last, for my toddler L's sake as well as for myself. God gave me G, a tenderhearted, noncompetetive, sensitive man. My biggest fear going into marriage was that I would destroy him emotionally, and in the end he would leave me (and L).

Before Gordon married G and I, or perhaps during the ceremony, he said something along the lines of “Your best shot at making marriage last is for both of you to remain in Christ.” The realization hit me like a brick that, although I could control MY relationship with God, I had no control at all over G’s. And the best chance I had at making my marriage last was to do my best to encourage G in his walk with the Lord. And to do THAT, I had to create (to borrow Doug Griffith’s words) an environment conducive to growth. I had to make a consistent environment of positives—a home where he felt safe, a refuge from the world, a place he could rest and recharge, a place he was welcomed with accepting, loving arms. A place where he would not be criticized, not judged, not nit-picked, not bossed or whined at, and definitely not competed with. I needed to do everything in my power to make home look attractive. When the world and work and whatever else was beating G down, HOME needed to be the place he could come to for shelter. (I have just given you all the wisdom I have concerning marriage.)

This was not something I could have done on my own. I didn’t have the maturity or the strength or the wisdom. But this was something that God showed me. When I asked God to please (please, please!!) make my marriage last, He showed me what to do, and HE changed my heart. He took out almost all the competetiveness and made me a teammate. He took me from competition to cooperation. But I’m telling you, this was GOD changing my heart, almost overnight. And then me choosing to create the environment, day by day, brick by brick, reinforcing the positives, trying to pry out the negatives.

God gave me His heart for G. (We just celebrated our 20th anniversary!!)

More on Language

L just did a horse camp for kids and she told me about this object lesson she used.

They have a horse from the wild there who has not been worked with much. He did not know L and so she was working with him to develop trust. Since he has not been worked with, he only speaks "horse" not "human". So Laura was trying, in her human body, to act out some horse body language. The horse was getting it to some degree. So Laura said to the kids, "How much better do you think he would understand me if I actually had the body of a horse?" That's what God did for us. He became a man. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Thoughts on Language

Have you ever noticed that you really find out how well you know something when you have to try to explain it to someone else?

K doesn't like tomatoes (yet), but he likes tomato soup. He was telling me that he had tomato soup for lunch and he said, "I'm just a tomato daver." What does that mean? He often makes up words...And when there is some kind of meaning there, it is cute. Like when he was little, and we would "buckle him in" his carseat, he would ask for us to "buckle him out" when we got home. But often he just makes sounds to be making sounds (it seems). This is actually a hindrance in his relationships with others, as they often don't understand what he means and they tend to give up on him (understandably).

So we had a little discussion about language on the way home from swimming. I asked him why he thought God invented language. "So we can talk to each other?" I think so. So I said, "K, schmwanke dink." He said, "What?" I said, "Exactly. You don't know whether I said, 'I love you' or 'Fasten your seatbelt', or something else." Language is hugely important, so we can tell each other things. But when we just make meaningless sounds at each other, it's an abuse of a precious gift.

I have heard it said that without words, there is no thought. I have pondered this for decades, and I think I have finally decided that I don't believe it. I mean, if I lean into the warm wind, I can appreciate it without words, I can thank the Maker without words, I can remember other warm winds without words.

I was walking the other morning and there was a slight breeze and most of the trees were gently waving their branches like people wave their arms in worship. But there was a group of trees--aspens?--whose branches didn't sway, but instead, the leaves shimmered. We have a lady at church whose hands quiver just like that. Her arms don't sway, but her hands quiver like that tree's leaves. I just laughed and laughed at the thought of her as an aspen tree, standing among the maples and oaks and evergreens. But I didn't need words to appreciate that humor.

I did, however, need words to share it with you. Language is a gift. It's meant to connect us. How often do we use it to create distance..... Just a thought.

This is the Day

One spring day, when I was in college (yeah, the olden days!), I was sitting outside studying before chapel, when this tree caught my eye (yes, the very tree in this picture). I noticed a leaf, how intricately made it was, with veins just so, like the veins on the back of my hand. I looked at another leaf, the same but different. Same general shape, same general color, same basic structure, but not quite the same. The closer I looked, the more differences I saw. I looked at another, and another. All generally the same, but different. I realized that each leaf was unique. There were a LOT of leaves on that tree. I was standing there in awe of God's ability to create such variety in sameness, when He said to me, "Look further." So I looked further, and all around, as far as I could see were trees, all kinds of trees, countless trees, and yet, no doubt, no two leaves the same.

This nearly blew my mind. Like the first time you realize the stars go on forever and ever and ever. But it was such an insight, for me, into God's nature. I just wanted to share it with everyone! About then, it was time for mandatory chapel to start and students started to trickle along the paths toward the chapel. I stopped person after person to explain to them about the leaves, but everyone was in a hurry or just didn't get it. I was saddened that this thing that was so awesome to me was of no interest to anyone else, especially since most of the people there supposedly were there to know God better.

As I was about to give up, I saw Dr. Root hurrying across the street, nearly late as he often was. I stopped him and explained it to him. He smiled as he considered what I had said and he replied, "This is the day the Lord has made--and no two alike!" My heart leapt inside me with joy. Finally someone understood, and a connection was made at a deep level.... A connection that felt so right. This is how we are supposed to understand each other all the time. The memory is with me still, two and a half decades later.

I had a similar experience this week with something awesome that the Lord showed me. I shared it with several people and no one really got it. I was reminded of this day, so long ago. And it occurred to me that it was really an allegory about God and His longing for relationship with us. God desires relationship with us in such a passionate way we cannot comprehend it. He wants to bless us, to touch us, to heal us, to reveal Himself to us, to lavish His affection on us; but we are on our way somewhere in a hurry and we don't connect with Him. And as I was saddened that so many people didn't connect with me, didn't share my joy; how much more is God saddened when we hurry on by?

I want to make God feel the way I felt when Dr. Root "got it". I want to "get" whatever God has to share with me today. Do you?

I Still Love You

Kermit says to Maid Marian (Lynn Redgrave):
Your eyes are not bulgie,
You don’t live in a swamp,
You don’t hop or turn somersaults,
Your feet are not webbed and you never eat flies.
I’m sorry to dwell on your faults.
But I still love you. I always will love you.
You shine in my mind like a dream.
And yet I still love you, I always will love you,
Although you are not even green.

MM to K:
I know I’m an odd one,
I’m not like a frog,
My head is all covered with hair.
No flippers, no bulges, no croaking, no warts—
No wonder that sometimes you stare.
And yet you love me

K: You know that I love you.

MM: You shine in my mind like a dream.

K:
And so if I love you, I really do love you.
Who cares if you’re not even green.

I have been thinking about God loving us no matter what stage of maturity we are in. I think sometimes, because we know that God hates sin, we think because we are not yet fully mature in this area or that, God can't love us perfectly. Or perhaps because the way God created us is different than how He created somebody else...even MOST somebody elses....that we don't measure up, we don't please God. But we need to only be who we are, who God created us to be, and earnestly seek a relationship with God to please Him. I don't have to sing like my friend Rebecca (I CAN'T anyway), or dance like my friend Francine, or dress like Linda, or wear my hair like Johanna, or have quiet times like Gordon, or study like Bonka, or pray like Toni. I just have to BE ME. God made me the way He made me, with the gifts and the weaknesses I have. Who I grow into as I mature isn't going to look like anyone else, and that's okay. That I am not "perfect" (complete, mature) right now, is okay.

God loves the person I am today, right this very moment, as much as He ever has or ever will--although I am not even green!!

Harry the Chihuahua and the Duck

Okay, while we are on the subject of bad limericks, here is another. Perhaps you remember the story of Kara chasing the ducks, who would "duck", and she would run right over the top of them--a game we called "duck bowling". Harry gave it a try, but it didn't quite work out the way Harry expected....

"Do like I do, " said Kara to Harry,
"Chase the duck, watch her tuck, then jump. Merry!"
Harry gave it a shot
But old Quack didn't squat.
Now that duck's being ridden by Harry!

KaraBeagle of Smithacre

I came across a poem today, so thought I would post it just for fun. I used Reuben's picture in lieu of one of Kara....hope no one minds!! Enjoy.

There once was a beagle quite pretty,
Who wandered alone in the city.
The dog catcher nabbed her.
The Smith family grabbed her.
Now she lives on a farm with three kitties.

You light up the room!!

(6-30-08)

We had a guest speaker at church last night. As J was out of town, I invited L and she came!! I was smiling from ear to ear as people who knew her greeted her and I got to introduce her to friends of mine who did not know her.

At Gma Smiley's memorial, someone commented that family had visited and come to church with her recently and she just beamed the whole time. Now I understand, and NOW I understand God's heart a little better too!! Even though we see L every day (Thank you, Jesus!!!), when she comes in the morning she lights up the room. Same with K, when he gets out of bed and comes to give us hugs and kisses. There is just something in our hearts that rejoices absolutely completely when we see our kids after even a few hours apart.

That is what God feels when we enter His presence. I think we miss that sometimes. We light up the room for Him, just as our kids light up the room for us. I need to remember that, all of us need to remember that. And I know God was beaming yesterday morning at all the people who came to "his house"...and last night as well. What a cool image that is. And can you imagine what Heaven will be like?---How His face will light up then?

Spring

(from 3-26-08)

Ah, spring.... G did school with K this morning, I worked all morning...I had thought this was going to be an easy week...well, maybe tomorrow!!

About 3:30 I was beat and it was sunny, so K and I went outside to feed the horses and replace some rotted fence posts in the back yard..a job I have been putting off all winter. I don't mind the nailing or the digging, but inevitably the posts are rotted only a foot down, and so the other foot and a half is still good and next to impossible to pull up.

K and I ducked into the lean-to to dodge one hail storm. We have pea-sized hail that stings bad enough...I can't imagine what hail would be like if it were golf ball sized like in the midwest!! The hail stopped as quickly as it started and we went to work knocking off rails and pulling up posts, and started digging out our first post K spotted a baby snake (garter snake) so we looked it over and I explained to him that we couldn't keep it in the house because Daddy would flip....and then I pulled up another scoop of rotted wood and sitting right on top of that was an even bigger garter snake, maybe 10 inches long.

When we first moved here, we had red racers...black with red heads and red/orange stripes. But the ones we have been seeing in the past few years are the most beautiful blue...We held the slow-moving, slow-motion snake in our gloved hands and watched as it "tasted" the spring air, deciding who held it and if it was time to wake up yet. It warmed up as we held it and admired it. It had a pale yellow stripe down the back and each side and the spots on the black body between the stripes were a neon blue. In ths summer, these snakes move so fast (and there are BIG ones in our manure pile, aka the fly-smorgasborg) that I half thought I imagined the neon blue. But it really is neon blue. As we examined his tummy, the sun came out and K noted the opalescence of his gray-blue underside, glimmering blue and pink and silver and cream.

What an amazing God we have that would make even the underside of a snake beautiful!! And how fortunate for us that we got to catch one and examine it today!! And how lucky I am to have a boy to share it all with!! The rain and cold finally drove us inside, but at least we got one post replaced...enough to keep Gracie out of Bill's yard!!

Mussels

K and I went to the coast Friday to see Mom and Dad and got back today (5-24-08). The tide was low early and we went after breakfast to explore a new beach and look for agates--and other pretty rocks. K kept picking up pieces of mussels. As you know, mussels are just plain nondescript black on the outside, but they are irridescent on the inside. It started me to thinking...why do you suppose God designed it that way? Why would He put something beautiful on the inside of something plain? It's not like mussels ever open up so that anyone could see the beauty inside. In fact, it isn't until they die and their shells are loosened from their home on some rock and broken in the pounding waves and they are finally cast upon the shore that anyone ever sees the beauty. Is there a lesson here for us?

I think it is an insight into God's nature. If you think about it, even pearls are made in hidden places, formed in response to foreign bodies in the host mollusk. God isn't concerned with just the visible, His creation is wondrous throughout--inside and out--He hides beauty everywhere. It is a joy for us when we discover it, but it is a joy to Him whether man discovers it or not.

And how is beauty defined? Mom and Dad moved inland a little ways and now don't have all the rocks they had when they lived in Yachats, 100 yards from the beach. So the last time K and I went, we found some big rocks for her flower beds. K, remembering this, picked some lovely rocks (lovely to him, plain ordinary basalt to me) to take to Grandma. He packed them from where he found them, huffing and puffing, a true act of love. But they were beautiful to him for various reasons--size, shape, color. And as I talked to Mom about mussels being beautiful on the inside, she commented that perhaps to God they were beautiful on the outside too...just as the plain old gray-blue basalt rocks were beautiful to K.

Whose eyes? It's amazing to me that we are so limited in our literal vision. I know, it's by design, but some other creaturees see ultraviolet colors that we cannot see and other creatures hear in ranges too low or too high for most of us humans to hear. Even a small jumping spider does a mating dance that is so quick and so soft that we cannot perceive it, but when photographed and slowed down, and when done on a special platform that can pick up the vibrations and minute sounds, we can see it. So much of God's creation is outside of our perception!! Even if were to look, there is so much of God that we cannot see because we are not designed to...we have to "take dominion" and explore God's creation using our own created methods to see, hear and feel what is beyond our senses.

And, looking at all this from a differnt perspective, does it mean anything to us, all of us who are broken, that the beauty of God's creation, perhaps even in us, cannot be seen until our shells are broken and washed up on the shore??