on corporate worship

So....I have been struggling with church lately.  First of all, I was sick most of winter and missed many/most of church throughout the winter, and it has been hard to go back--I don't want to put on a "public" face--not that I really ever do anyway, but I at least usually wear clean clothes if nothing else...and I haven't even wanted to do that, or brush my teeth and comb my hair...I just don't want to be sociable...and it's often too loud for me, the music has changed and I don't know or don't like the songs...you name it, I can find the excuse....

And to top it off, God won't let it go.  He keeps throwing scripture at me about not giving up gathering together.  Then when I do go, He throws sermons at me.  And if that weren't bad enough, he puts people in my life that show me what I will look like spiritually if I continue to avoid "corporate worship".

I have never really "liked" church beyond the social aspect ofit--I mean, I love the people.  What's not to love about the people??  And the couple that I don't by instinct love, God teaches me to love.  But I know that God wants more from me than to just attend a "club meeting".  I remember my friend Connie Martin, long ago, talking about the value of "corporate worship" but I didn't comprehend it.  I mean, I treasure my times alone with God, when I can worship in private, on my own, just Him and me.

But I have been dreaming often of Dr. Root lately.  And one of my most striking memories of him was this day. (Click on "day" to read about that day.)  I was telling a friend about this day and it suddenly struck me that that "connection" he made with me that day is what we do when we worship corporately.  The connection I felt that day with Dr. Root was two people, marveling at some aspect of God together--which is what we do when we worship together.  We are all acknowledging certain aspects of God, and worshiping---and we should all share that connection.

So why don't we?  Why do we sometimes feel like we are "forcing" worship...or that we just aren't in a place to worship as the leader is directing?  Is it a lack of discipline on our part?  Is it a disconnect between the worship leader and me?

I'm still trying to work this out.  I am who I am.  God knows this.