The Cringe Factor

G showed me today some movies he had made of K shortly after we had moved L's loft bed into his room (after L got married). He threw a quilt over the edge as a curtain and pretended that under the bed was a stage. I had forgotten how absolutely adorable he was with his little Lawrence Welk "Uh-one, uh-one, uh-one, two, thwee, fow, five, six, seben, eight, nine, ten." I had forgotton how little his voice was (compared to now) and how he used to say his 'r's imperfectly. Ahhhh. Tooo cute. He always looks cuter in pictures and videos than I remember him being at the time. I want to go back and look more. Lots more.

And I wonder, what does God think of us? Does he go back in His memory and think, "Oh, she was so cute then!" Not only about physical development, like we look at pictures of our kittens, now cats, and think, "Oh, they were so cute!". But also about our social, psychological, spiritual development... Can you picture Him saying, "Oh, there's J when she was just learning patience. How cute that little temper tantrum is." ? Or perhaps, "Look how little her faith was. Isn't that adorable?"

Before you cringe...Just because we are "better" at something now, does not mean that being "worse" at it before is cringe-worthy. It just so happens that the background music for K's dancing was me playing the viola (I had only been playing a few months)...talk about Cringe-Factor!! So I know that we feel that way about ourselves and our own development. But I want you to consider my own feelings about K's development. He was going on 5. His voice was little. He counted imperfectly. He spoke imperfectly. He danced uniquely, to his own rhythm. Did I cringe? No, I found it adorable. Heartwarmingly adorable--so much so that I want to see more of him back then.

Imperfect as I am, no matter how handsome I think my son is now, when I look back at pictures of him in a few years, I will think of him as even more handsome. But I am limited by so many things, time and energy and my own immaturity, physical pain, my to-do list, etc. I will never be able to fully appreciate every aspect of my son at any given stage. But God is not limited like I am. When He looks at me, He sees all that I am, every facet, every nuance, and He is able to fully appreciate all that I am in this very moment. He sees me growing in every little area that I cannot even imagine--in patience and faith, in generosity and compassion, in calmness and creativity, in humor and appreciation of life. And He thinks every step is adorable. Heartwarmingly adorable. And HE doesn't have to look BACK to think that!!!