I stood in the rain watching K's soccer game this morning, standing next to and making friends with the wife of the man who called K a "bully" this summer during swimming. My mind keeps going back to that. I guess it hurt more and is harder to forgive than I thought, since it keeps coming to mind...or perhaps I haven't learned all I need to from it yet? But I was thinking, in K's case, anything that looks like "bullying" is K trying to build relationships with other kids, but not fully knowing how to do that, added to the fact that K doesn't understand yet the concept of "free will". But then, many people don't. I would almost go so far as to say that most people don't, given the abundance of controlling behaviors I see in people and how angry people get at God for allowing bad things to happen--myself included. It's a tough concept.
I often wonder if my animals think of me as 'god'. They pretty much see me as chief cook and masseuse, and occasionally will come to me if they need something else. They also offer up sacrifices. (I can think of at least 3 live snakes this summer, and quite a few mice, in all states of health.) --Of course, I do have one cat, Nermal, whom I know does not think of me as 'god' but rather 'servant', and quite possibly as 'dumb servant who doesn't speak cat'. The utterance she offers when I open the door is as likely "What took you so long!" as it is "Thank you." But by and large they acknowledge that I am provider. The days I am late with breakfast there is an awful lot of mewing, whining and whinnying going on.
And our young children...that is, those who do not yet have an income, do not pay rent to us, and take the meals and refrigerator and laundry and cleaning service for granted--understand their dependence on us and obey us chiefly because we wield the power of comfort and survival. We would like to think they obey us because they love us, and, depending on their degree of maturity, they might; but mostly I think they obey because we hold the keys to the refrigerator, the car and soccer practice (cell phone, nintendo, etc...you fill in the blanks). Their love for us is based on dependence more than free will. (I love you because I need you.)
But where we see free will is in our relationships with our adult children. My sister, once she got away from home, seldom looked back. Now in her 40s, she might contact Mom and Dad once a year, twice in a good year. Or she may go years without contacting them at all. On the flip side is my precious daughter. She could go as far away as she liked, but she lives a mile from me. She chooses to be a part of my life. Sometimes I ask, sometimes she volunteers, but by and large, we are friends. She chooses a relationship with me. She doesn't have to. She has a husband, a job, her own house. She doesn't need me for her survival. I can't ground her anymore. Now if she takes my advice on something, it is because she freely chooses to. Her relationship with me now is based on her free will. And it is all the more delightful because of this. The whole house lights up when she comes in the door. (I need you because I love you.)
I love both my children with all that I am. Their love for me is precious to me. I treasure both relationships. But the relationship that is based on free will is all the sweeter because she chooses me. I know she doesn't have to....and oh how painful that would be!...but she does. And it is good--no, it is the best.
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